


your shadow at evening rising to meet you

by leighbot



Series: Tomlinshaw Kidfic [5]
Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 14:52:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2816144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leighbot/pseuds/leighbot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Twenty minutes was already the longest Louis had been away from the twins since they were born and he regretted agreeing to it when Nick had suggested taking them to lunch with their Aunt Aimee. He wanted his family around right then, wanted to bury himself in them and keep them away from harm.</i><br/> </p><p>Or: the one where Beth's maternal grandmother passes away and Louis and Nick explain what that means. And then Louis tells everyone in his life all the ways he loves them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your shadow at evening rising to meet you

**Author's Note:**

> As with the other timestamps in this series, this can be read before/after/independently of the others. Beth is six, the twins are four months.
> 
> WARNING: This timestamp takes place directly after the death of an original character- Beth's maternal grandmother. There is discussion regarding the death, in the form of explaining the loss to a child. No details or exact causes mentioned.
> 
> I also reference the past death by car accident of a pet. 
> 
> If any of that will trigger the reader, please do not continue. I wrote this as a sort of catharsis after the loss of a relative.
> 
> Not all is sad though! It is mostly a brief child-version clinical explanation by Doctor Grimmy followed by remembering the loved one and Louis being a sappy kitten.
> 
> Title from ['The Waste Land'](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/176735) by T.S. Eliot.

Louis stood outside his daughter's bedroom one Saturday morning with his hand frozen to the knob, willing himself to enter. He knew she would still be sleeping and didn't have the heart to wake her with bad news. Explaining to her that her Nana Nancy had passed wasn't something he thought he could do, was nothing he had ever wanted to have to do. He had just hung up the phone with Beth's mother, Aly’s voice hoarse from emotion. Louis himself had been crushed. Nancy had always been wonderful to him, had accepted their decision to co-parent after they'd gotten pregnant and had insisted Nick come to every family gathering since he’d come into their lives. She had come to their wedding and had visited the hospital- flowers in hand- when the twins were born.

He dropped his hand and stepped back from the door, not ready to put into words what had happened. He didn’t know how to explain the death of a relative to a little girl.

He had been sorting laundry when the phone rang and decided to make his way back. What had been merciful silence only twenty minutes earlier was now stifling, Nick having taken the twins to lunch with their Aunt Aimee. Twenty minutes was already the longest Louis had been away from them since they were born and he regretted agreeing to it when Nick had suggested the outing. He wanted his family around right then, wanted to bury himself in them and keep them away from harm.

_Whites, darks, delicates._

He sorted mindlessly.

_Whites, delicates, whites, darks._

He checked every pocket in every pair of trousers and each shirt, finding hair bows in Beth’s and loose coin in Nick’s. He dropped them all in his finders’ mason jar, a laundry room staple they had let Beth decorate when they moved into their new house.

_Whites, delicates, darks, whites._

As he went through the motions, he wished desperately for a selfish moment that Aly had wanted to tell Beth herself. It was her mum that died, after all. He instantly regretted it when he realized what he was thinking, dropping the clothes and burying his face in his hands. He was _not_ selfish, he would help Aly in this way, would take this one small burden from her. He focused on the positives- he had Nick, and Nick would help. Nick knew Beth better than anyone else, knew how to handle her and comfort her. He would wait until Nick came back home and they’d tell her together.

~*~

Nick was home two hours later, entering through the front door just as Louis was unloading the dryer for the second time. He left the clothes in the basket at the sound of the front door going. He took one more selfish moment and rushed to his husband, burrowing into Nick's chest before he could take the twins from their pram. Nick hugged him automatically, pressing a kiss into Louis' temple and running a warm hand down his back.

"Hiya, love. What happened?"

"Nancy died and I don't know how to tell Beth," Louis muttered, pulling away from him when he heard one of the twins start to get restless. It was Jordan, of course, and he unbundled him and tucked him under his chin, rocking the four-month old gently until his murmurs quieted. Louis brought him to the living room and set him on his belly in his playpen, watching as his fist curled around a toy at random and he giggled softly. Nick followed with Rhys, the younger twin all smiles as he saw his brother already playing. They watched when Nick set Rhys down on his back and Jordan abandoned his toy and used his fat fists to push himself up slightly, before slipping back down and trying again. Rhys grabbed at the soft rattle Nick was running across his hands, cooing when he shook it.

Pulling his eyes away from his sons, Louis again turned into his husband's arms once Nick straightened up.

"How do I explain death to a six year old? She shouldn't have to worry about things like that."

Nick tucked Louis into his chest the same way Louis had tucked Jordan, his breath hitting the exposed skin above his collar. "I guess times like these could be helped by being church folk."

Louis let out a stilted laugh, rolling his neck so his forehead rested on Nick's sternum. "Not helping."

"I think you just tell her the truth. That Nana Nancy was sick and isn't anymore. That she loved her and still does, and that we love her. We talked with her when Pig died, that helped lay some foundation for it."

Six months since Pig had slipped from her lead and run in front of a car, and finally Nick's voice didn't break. Louis looked up with a soft smile. "You okay to bring her up? I know how much you miss Pig dog."

"Damn dog ate my shoes and peed on my sofa; don't know why I even miss her."

"Shut up."

They were quiet for a couple minutes, Nick still holding Louis to his chest, an eye on the boys who were involved in their toys and cooing at random intervals. "Where is she anyway?"

"She woke up and I didn't know what to say, so she went back to her room after breakfast and is playing with her dolls."

"Avoiding your hell spawn, love?"

Louis pinched his side and stepped away, wiping a hand over his face. "I couldn't look at her without wanting to blurt it out."

"We'll tell her together."

~*~

They decided to wait until the twins went down for a nap an hour later. Nick had gone into Beth's room to play with her for a bit and Louis finished the laundry before taking the twins to the nursery.

He knocked on the doorframe as he entered Beth's bedroom, smiling at Nick's painstaking effort to dress one of the baby dolls.

"One girl is enough for us, kitten," he started. "I don't know how you ever dressed Beth properly. Did you know girls need all of these _things_?" He swept his arm, indicating the assorted clothes and costume jewelry scattered across the floor.

"Aly used to send her over with specific outfits in designated bags. I caught on quick enough," Louis defended. He came into the room and sat cross-legged next to Beth who, curling into his side automatically, was brushing out another doll's hair.

"Beth?" Louis asked gently, waiting until she looked up with a smile. "Can Grimmy and I talk to you for a minute? It's kind of important."

Beth looked at Nick in confusion and put aside the doll when he did. "Did I do something bad?"

They spoke over each other to reassure her, Louis letting his voice fade out as Nick took the reins. "You didn't do anything, baby girl," he assured, placing a hand on her knee. "But Dad and I have some news and it might make you sad. It's okay if you are."

She nodded, solemn, and Louis tucked his arm around her. "Nana Nancy was very poorly for a while, you remember? We went and visited her in the hospital." Beth nodded again and he continued. "This morning she got much sicker and she died. Do you remember when we talked about dying?"

Beth instantly looked to Nick, her reaction every time their dog was mentioned. "Pig dog got hurt and died, too. Is that the same thing?"

Nick nodded. "It's the same. Just like Pig, Nana couldn't make herself better."

Beth thought it over for a minute. "I didn't know Nana would die," she finally said, head bowed and hands in her lap. “What about Grandpa Jeff? Are more people going to die?”

Nick looked at Louis, his bottom lip between his teeth and hesitation on his face. Louis felt torn and didn't respond for a long minute. He didn't want to scare her but also had never wanted to lie about important things. He eventually nodded and Nick scooted closer to them on the floor, reaching out and pulling Beth onto his lap, her feet stretched out in front of her. Louis tucked himself into his side and put his hand on Beth’s ankle, rubbing a circle with his thumb in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

“Nana Nancy was very poorly, love,” Nick began. “Sometimes- when people are very, _very_ sick like Nana- they die. Their bodies can’t fix themselves anymore. Grandpa Jeff isn’t poorly.”

“But what if he gets hurt like Pig?”

Nick smoothed her hair from her face and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “If someone gets hurt bad like Pig did, it’s possible they die too. But that’s what doctors are for, they help.”

“You’re a doctor.”

“Yep. I’m a special kind of doctor, I help babies and little kids like you. Sometimes they’re very poorly and I do my best to help them. That’s how your Daddy and I met, remember us telling you? You were very sick one night, sweetheart, and your Daddy brought you in. I wasn’t a doctor then but I helped make you better.”

“I remember,” Beth nodded, falling quiet again. They sat together while she thought about it. “Would I have died if you didn’t fix me, Grimmy?”

“No!” Louis’ voice startled him with its high volume. He lowered his voice when Nick’s eyes widened. “No, Beth. Absolutely not. You weren’t very poorly like Nana, sweetheart. You were just slightly poorly. I took you to hospital to make you better quicker, not because you were going to die.”

“But will I?” she persisted.

Louis struggled to keep his face calm and his voice low. “That isn’t something you need to think about. You’re very healthy and very smart; you know what things to do to keep yourself safe. Mummy, Grimmy and I will all be here to keep bad things from happening to you.”

Beth fell quiet again, her head resting against Nick’s chest and her small hands holding one of his, twirling his wedding band. “I guess if Nana isn’t poorly anymore then that’s okay. I don’t want her to be hurt,” she finally said.

“It’s okay to be sad, ducky,” Nick reminded her. She nodded and turned her face into his chest, her breaths slow and even.

“How about I get Uncle Harry to come over and make us some blueberry muffins?” Louis offered. “Nana Nancy loved when he’d make them, it’d be something we can do to remember her.”

Beth nodded again, turning her head on Nick’s chest after a minute and smiling softly at her dad.

~*~

Harry did come over, making blueberry and lemon muffins for them. Niall followed his nose from the opposite side of Manchester and arrived shortly after. They sat around the table together with the twins, Nick and Louis helping them with their bottles while they ate with their free hands. The conversations all focused on Nancy, sharing their favorite stories. Beth’s mostly involved gifts and dinners together but Niall told them of when Nancy had pulled him aside one year at a birthday party and yelled at him for his open-arm vests.

“Never wore one again, I swear!” he exclaimed over their laughter. “She reminded me so much of me mam, I didn’t dare. Went home and burned them all.”

Nick spoke briefly about how welcoming she had been. “She always hugged me so tight, like she didn’t care that I wasn’t really family. No one else would have been so understanding of us, this whole motley thing.”

Louis smiled and took his husband’s hand in his own. “She loved you. I remember on our wedding day, she told me I probably didn’t deserve you either. And then she gave us a check to put towards this house.”

Harry sniffled and they all chuckled, even Beth. He pulled Jordan into his arms, throwing a cloth over his shoulder in case of spit- Jordan had recently learned he could blow bubbles with his drool- and ignored them all.

“When are you and Malik gonna make some of your own so you can stop stealing mine?” Nick drawled, a lazy smile on his face as he watched his son.

“I think soon.” A pretty flush colored Harry’s cheeks and he shrugged, smiling down at Jordan.

Rhys had dozed off in his bouncy chair next to Nick, his bottle resting against his chin. Louis picked it up gently, careful not to wake him. He then stood up, raising his glass of water in the air. "Everything I am about to say is going to be sappy and I declare complete immunity for it.”

He glared at each one in turn, his eyes soft when he looked at Beth, who was finishing her muffin with single-minded determination. He cleared his throat and started. “I want to thank all of you. You guys are my family in so many ways. Niall, you have been my best friend for twenty years. You were the first person I told when Aly got pregnant with Beth. You've been my brother as long as I can remember. I love you."

Niall smiled and tipped his beer towards Louis, taking a sip.

Louis turned to Harry. "Hazza. You and Zayn accepted me and Beth into your lives without question. Even though you consistently try to steal my babies, I wouldn’t have made it through those first few months without you. Thank you.”

Harry sniffed again, wiping his cheek against his shoulder. He had a hand on Jordan's back to keep him upright as he leaned forward for his beer, taking a sip as Niall had done.

Louis bit his lip and turned to face Nick. “You’re going to make me even sappier; I swear to _god_ I’d hate you if I didn’t love you so hard.”

Nick laughed, clapping a hand over his mouth and checking to see Rhys was still sleeping. He was.

“Kitten, thank god we didn’t write our own vows. _I’d hate you_ , that’s what our wedding was missing.”

“Shush you. I’m trying to tell you how much I love you.” Nick made a waving motion with his hand, indicating for Louis to continue, a smile still wide on his face. “I can't even put into words the ways you have changed my life. From the very first moment I met you- putting my daughter in your arms at the hospital- you have saved me over and over again. You have always treated Beth as your own and you turned your whole life upside down for us. Thank you so much for making my family whole.”

Harry had since given up hiding his tears, holding Jordan closer and sniffing pathetically.

Nick shot him a glare, ignoring the tears building in his own eyes. “Oi, don’t get snot on my baby, he makes enough of that himself.” He placed his hands on Louis’ hips and pulled him closer, tilting his head up and waiting. Louis smiled and bent down, brushing their lips together. Nick’s lips parted slightly, and Louis let his tongue drag against the lower one. He pulled away, a smile on his face and his eyes wet.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, kitten, you soppy fool.”

Louis rested his forehead against Nick’s for a moment, crossing his eyes and smiling softly. “I love you so much,” he whispered again, placing one more soft kiss against his husband’s lips before pulling away.

He sat back down and pulled Beth from her chair into his lap. “Since before I ever met you," he began, his fingers on her chin to tilt her face to his, "you have been the most important person in my life. Everything I have done since the day your mum told me about you has been to make your life and my life better. I know sometimes I can be the “mean dad” and we fight more than we should, but I have loved you your whole life. You are the smartest and nicest little girl I could have hoped for, and I want to thank you for always trying your best to be good.”

Beth hugged him tightly. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too. Beth, everything we said earlier was a lot to take in. But your Grimmy and I are here anytime, hon. And your uncles too. Anyone you want to talk to about anything, you let me know and we’ll bring them over, okay?”

She nodded and bit her lip, looking down.

“What is it?” he prompted.

“I want to talk to mummy.”

Immediately, Louis shifted her in his lap, reaching to slide his mobile out of his back pocket. He dialed Aly with just the press of a button, and handed the phone to Beth.

“Gonna take her to bed, can you boys clean up?”

Niall grumbled, a smile on his lips. “Buttered us up so we’d do your housewife duties, eh Tommo?”

Louis smiled at him and rolled his eyes, standing up with Beth in his arms. Aly had obviously picked up, as Beth started talking. She was past 'too big to be carried', but he took her to her room anyway. He set her down on her bed and began tidying up as she spoke to her mum. He pulled out pajamas for her and got her bathroom ready for her in the morning. Finally, he had nothing left he could fuss with, and he came back into her room, lying down next to her.

“Okay, mummy. I love you, here’s daddy.”

He took the phone when it was handed, and motioned for Beth to get ready for bed. She kissed him and ran into her bathroom, the door shutting harder than she’d meant.

“ _Sorry_!” he heard her yell from the other side.

“Hey,” he finally said into the phone.

_“She around?”_

“Nope, just rushed into the loo. Doesn’t seem to be too upset, what’d you guys talk about?”

_“She just asked me how I was about mum. Said that she loved me extra much today. How’d we get so lucky, Lou?”_

He smiled wide, ducking his face. “I’m going to give you most of the credit.”

_“Shush. Thank you so much for everything today. I know I should have told her but I just-“_

He cut her off, the guilt from his earlier thoughts still tugging at him. “I’m glad you asked me. You know I’m always here for anything, and. Well. If I’m quite honest, it was mostly Nick.”

_“What do you mean?”_

“He was so good with her, Al. He gets Beth so well, he knew exactly how to say it so she would understand but not be upset.”

_“Thank him for me, please?”_

“I will. I’ll let you go. Call me if you need anything, I mean it.”

_“I might want to take Beth a day early, have her with me the day before the- the funeral.”_

Louis startled himself with a sudden intake of breath.

_“Makes it seem so real.”_

“Yeah, Aly. I’m so sorry for everything. Come get Beth whenever you need, we’re here for you.”

_“I know, Lou. I’m gonna go- have to make some more calls. I love you and don’t forget to thank your husband for me. Mum always said you didn’t deserve him.”_

He laughed, agreed and they hung up.

~*~

Nick came into Beth’s room an hour after Beth had convinced Louis to settle in and read. They’d made their way through half of _Where the Sidewalk Ends_ and both looked up when he knocked and opened the door quietly, leaning against the frame.

“Hello, loves. The boys are asleep and the scoundrel uncles are gone for the time being. Anyone fancy a kip in a big bed tonight?”

Beth nodded and sat up, flinging her blanket off and scrambling out of bed. She doubled back to pick up Smaug- her stuffed dragon Niall had given her the day she was born- and then raced past him, down the hall and into their room.

Louis straightened up slowly, putting the sheets to rights before picking the blanket up from the floor and folding it neatly.

“C’mere, you look exhausted.”

Louis let Nick pull him tight into his chest, feeling the press of lips against his temple. “I’m so tired, I could cry from it.”

“That’s not why you’re crying, kitten. We’re all going to miss Nancy.”

Louis shook his head and pulled back. “It’s so selfish of me to admit this, but you’re stuck with me I suppose. I’ll miss Nancy, yes, but the main thought in my head today is losing you. I couldn’t survive, Nick. If anything were to happen to you-“

Nick cut him off with a desperate kiss, their lips pressed too hard together. He pulled away after only a few seconds. “Don’t talk like that. I’m fine and you’re fine. You’re not going anywhere and I sure as hell did not wait twenty-seven years to find you just to give you up so quickly. Our children are all healthy, if a bit spoiled, and our families are well.”

Louis nodded but didn’t truly look convinced.

“Promise me you’re not going to die on me?”

“My plan is to live forever. Seriously. Hazza knows the secret; the boy hasn’t aged in the whole time I’ve known him.”

Louis laughed and wiped his eyes with his fingers, rubbing them off on his pants. He let Nick guide him to their bed, Beth already under the duvet in the middle. They piled in either side of her, Nick setting the baby monitor on his nightstand and flipping off the light.

“Love you,” Louis whispered.

Beth and Nick echoed him back.

He drifted to sleep with half his family in his bed, the other half silent through the monitor, only the occasional shift or sleepy coo cutting through. He was surrounded by and buried in his family, just as he had wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, there is nothing but happiness and sunshine planned for these fools in the future timestamps. And Zayn's finally in the next one, which I should have up before New Year's.
> 
> Come say hi: [tumblr](http://sa-voix.tumblr.com/)


End file.
